*~WHAT MAKES UP A BAD DAY?~* A bad day is when u woke up and realise it is the day of that month again. A bad day is when you saw your roomie getting upset over her grandfather's death. Honestly, i feel like crying and i can see that mo gu is trying hard to hold back her tears as well. Death..... we knew it will come eventually but the reality is too hard for anyone to accept. We might not be very close to our that person but seeing the person around us getting upset is really saddening. My roomie, bs only cried after talking to her family on the phone. I guess knowing your parents are sad and crying realli hurts one's heart. I understands how she feel. I feel for her. But i have never attend any funeral, i nvr had v close relatives passsing away while i am still kicking alive in this world. I really couldnt imagine how i would react..... it's scary......VERY scary to think about it..................... A bad day is when it was my first time being the ticketing I/C and the response from the seniors are really bad when i think some things can really be prevented if the other sides have done their things well. We are a team. We depends on each other you see.
Seniors feedback that the ticketing was really chaotic. But why? Because they never had loud hailer to tell the audiences to get ready tickets 5 minutes before collecting it. As everyone noes, i only got abit of my voice hurts.... end up i gotta strain my voice to shout. Well, i can talk now but shouting and talking aloud is definitely another issue. I only got 2 girls to help me. One kept wander off and another is general helper, so she aint really sure about what to do. Because they never ask the people to get ready their tixs, i gotta spend time lining up the people in a much orderly way and spend time waiting for them to look for their tixs before i can proceed down the rows. One feedback that there are actually people getting Q tags for their friends when they are not supposed to. But it's because halfway through issuing the Q tags, instructions given down is we are running out of time, so its ok to let them get Q tags for their friends who aint present yet. As a result, people assumed they can reserved seats for their friends when they still aint there when the concert is starting. Okie, i think i shouldnt push all the blame away. Indeed i was quite tired after my lecture and probably i really aint capable enough but i think they could make my jobs easier by doing those stuffs before i come down from lecture. I even got scolded Chee bye by a guy. There are people scolding me because i dont allow them to reserve the Q tags for their friends when their friends not around. They think i am being very unreasonable but i think i am just being firm. One senior shoot me and said she ask her male friend to help buy flower for the artiste coming and meanwhile his gf got chased away by me. She said this infront of all the seniors. However, i want to nake it clear that i never chased anyone out. I only remembered one girl leaving out the queue. I guess this is the gf she mentioned about. I told her if you want to sit with your bf, and since your bf aint here, y dont you wait for your bf to be back and queue from the back? then she replied rudely:fine. i am not watching. So issit my fault? We arent suppose to give out Q tag when the person aint there ya? And time is already rushing out! And how would i know if what she explained was true? I mean people gave ALL kinds of excuses to reserve seats for their friends. The freshie usherers were praised and i was the only freshie that got bombard throughout the whole debrief cause i was the ticketing i/c. I knew i couldnt push all the blame to others. I admit i was too tired that i stone sometimes during the concert. But during ticketing, i tried my best, strained my throat even it DO hurts. And i feel really dejected when all i got is bombard and bombard but dont they think they could have help in some ways to make everything better? Afterall i am just a freshie. I was a touched when a senior point out that ticketing shouldnt only let the girls do cause guys can take advantages of the girls. I think it is so true! Okie. i dont think i and my general helper have been taken advantaged of .... but i think we have been bullied because we are girls. I know so what if we are girls! I always believe girls are aso as capable but i think for our safety there should be a guy helping out with ticketing too. I am sure with a guy by my side, that rude guy may not have scolded me Chee Bye. Luckily he only scolded vulgarities, what if he just suddenly hit me or something? Well, i dont know. I feel REALLY REALLY dejected after the debrief. Luckily melvin was there for me to complain because i felt so wei qu that i badly needed someone to console me at that VERY moment.........
Back to hall, i had my cultural subcom meeting. This is something that really cheered me up! I felt proud to be in cultural subcom cause i think we did our job well! Our poster is really nice! I got encouraged by myself. I felt so happy that things are going smoothly for cultural subcom. Guess that is the only thing that cheered me up today.
*~ A LONG TALK ~* I had a long long talk with mo gu till 630am!! And now is 714am! haha.
Anyway, we talked alot. I felt so much better. I hope she felt the same as me. I revealed myself barely infront of her. I am an egoistics person. Very. i am a possessive person. Very. I am a cynical person. Very. I kept closing myself up. Very.
I told her honestly i was sad when bs walked infront of me chatting when i was limping behind her. I told her honestly i was VERY depressed when people doubt my capability cause i was always joking and playing with them. I was actually very offended cause when i did put in effort, people tend to disregard, or maybe forget about it because i have a kiddish face. I told her the truth behind why i never put social as my subcom choice. I told her i felt all the seniors doubt my capability when seriously i think i can do well! I told her honestly i feel REALLI REALLI sad over it.
I always think telling all these to people, people might think that my reasons for being sad are childish or i am a very narrow minded person. I always refrained myself from enclosing these sides of me to people. Cause i dont want anyone to hate me. Cause i wish to gain few more true friends. Cause i think saying out makes myself look so silly. But i said it out all. today. I dont know. I felt comfortable saying all these. I felt more relaxed and not so uptight. But still, i know my egoism is playing a trick on me. I might just keep all the sad things to myself to look strong once again. But i think i have took a small little step today. I reflected upon what mo gu said. Maybe i should let myself open up more. Maybe. Maybe people will accept my posseiveness, my egoism.
Mo gu was worrying over points and honestly me too. Although i already have 2 subcoms, it is stll far from the points we needed. I need to join more stuffs. I need to gain more points. I need to stay in hall. though i missed my family....but i guess i will still be VERY depressed if i left mayfair............ somehow, i felt attached to mayfair already. Or rather my gu mu pai. I wish to stay on if i can.
anyway, heard from mo gu that one senior may find me hard to talk to or dislike me because she find me fake, and trying to act shu with the seniors. but honestly, i dont know what does she meant be fake. Because i do talk loudly and be myself before i lost my voice. I hide my possessivesness from my room mate but what bad points will i hide from this senior? I dont know why some how i had this feeling that people are judging me and i hate people to judge me. Its my face i know. They think i am just a kid. Being a kid is xin fu indeed becuase i got a lot of care from people but who want to remain as just a kid forever? No one. And seriously i think i have grown up ALOT after all the hurdles i gone through in JC. NObody will understand how hurt i was in JC. Now as i thought of it, tears is welling up my eyes. I have already been much kan kai.... i have already been trained to adapt to loneliness better after the bad JC years. I have already grown up to be a Much much stronger person. No body knows................... nobody knows the pain i gone through. Because i have never told them. Hated myself for that actually. Sigh. Better stop thinking back before i break down again.
Anyway, i hope this week ends soon. I cant wait for it to end. Sad thoughts, dejected feelings, emotional me..... sad friends......sad stories................. Sad week........................
it rained at 6:40 AM
Me*____
ME: JuanZ | TKSS,NYJC,NTU | First crY: 19th Nov 86' |
To B HeaLthY | My ParenTs wun Grow olD | NO MORE lies from anione animore | A DigitAL cam | PaSs emAge tEst | Do Well fOr ALl eXaMS | GeT a Gd joB in Future | LasTly,I Jus WisH to B haPPy ALwayZ^^ | I wish...........
