*~ FEEL LIKE CRYING ~* Yesterday during oc meeting, i was worried that i may not b able to complete my project on time.... so when shuicai asked me if i can stay throughout oc supper .... i was soooo tempted to say no.... but i know that is being irresponsible though i do have valid reason....and wy said if i do that wouldnt i be like yt...bt i beg to differ...cuz wat i meant is leave as soon as the supper ends.... but anyway....during this moment....cac marcus msg to tell me to help out in channel U Superhost booth today...... i really dont feel like going....but i still replied though i knew i can just say i got lesson....... but at this moment.... i feel so much like crying..... and i tried to ren till the end of the meeting....whatsmore at this moment....wy tld me she n bs tinks i am v untidy n all......but i dont tink i have the time to clear my table when i rushin for the oc meeting.... i also tried to b the one cleanin up the whole room when i come back early on sunday.... But probably what they want aint explanations~~ they are just joking....and findin something to suan me..... but thats not the time.... i am vexed..... i dont feel good.... So my response was quite bad.....but i am so glad wy understands.........................
Then came OC supper just now......... when Melvin wanted to help me get my drinks....wy n ls wanted me to go get it personally...... i knew they are just joking...... so i went..... but they continue "cracking" joke by saying becuase since i was so free i shld take it myself.....when i jus went back from making the cheesy hotdogs........but nvm.... i will just take the drinks myself......den they complained said i took too much.... and wanted to charge me higher..... when i was paying for the others for the drinks n sharing mine with hanyan. I wasnt happy about it....because at this time i dont know if they really meant it or just joking... i only know i am really very tired....becuase i went to help w/o abling to complete my project still........ So maybe my tone was bad.... and they asked me not to be so Ji Jiao.... Again...they might be joking...... but i feel so vexed...thinkin halo~? who's the one that ji jiao................. am i bad or am i bad?
Aileena then came into the room with bread....she asked if we wanna try the french toast....but i shook my head because i was trying so hard to hold back my tears....... then she said"eh...nono...dont wanna let u eat"..... Again....i know she was joking....but i feel so vexed....i dont know isit so fun to sound like they are against me........ I thought i would be ok but i am not....... my tears are flowing now......................
I dont think i am realli entirely stress with work.......... maybe mostly is.... becuz there are always last minutes stuffs for me to do nowadays... but worst is when ppl kept joking n sounds as if they are against me......... I know its all for fun joy and laughters.....but too many of it makes me v vexed........ i dont know how to respond to it...... i dont know isit true that they are against me anymore at that moment....though i know it wasnt true..................
Say me petty....sae me crazy... But i dont liek this feeling....really.........
Say me petty say i am just being over paranoid.... But i just need an outlet to vent....my frustration....
Say me bad....say i am not as nice as my other friends or your other friends..... But its not fun when i encounter the same joke again n again......
Say its my retribution because i do suan ppl...jokingly..... But i dont like it at this moment......because i felt everyone is againt me....even if i know u arent...i feel....i feel u r at that moment..... i even wonder am i a lousier frenz or wat......
At that moment...... i feel lousy.... i sounds petty..... Say i am bad....Say i am crying for nothing....Say i am weird...... But i really did try my best........just that "jokes" keep cming to me..... I am glad that afterall wy did talked to me........... guess she knew i was just vexed....or rather am just vexed....but i still makes me wonder does it makes me a lousier person.......... But i dont care....... at least at that moment....i hold back my tears........ i did try.......really......... i just hate it when i m seriously doing and seriously did smth....n ppl came to try makes things difficult for me in a form of a joke..... or rather joke in the form of making things difficullt for me......
I kept wondering did all i did makes me a lousier frenz.........what will they think of me....... i feel vexed thinking y are ALL things seem to be against me lately......... I cried when i least expect it......
But still some happy thing is.... i spend quite fun time with my CAC seniors.... Though we finished the stuffs till REALli much later then the informed time.......I thought they were against me because that time they said alot of stuffs about ticketing probs.... and i was the i/c...but no... we spend good times joking.... and seniors whom i thought are fierce are really nice !! They are reall nice to me....and we can realli joke arnd tgt....something which lightened my moods today.............
I am feeling the stress now....because i havent finished ANY of my assignments. Congrats to me!! But no fear....i have drank Red bull n coffee....to make sure i last thru the nites to finish it b4 lessons later....That is the deadline!!! n one is 15% the other is a freaking 30%!!! And i haven got the chance to revise my work........ well well..............................................
I wrote all these w/o thinking...Feel better typing it out............... i dont care if i did offend anyone.....because i didnt meant it..... but i just wanna write out my ffeelings....this time....this moment............
I gonna go do my stuffs liao......... I hope i will be happier soon..........................:)
it rained at 3:01 AM
Me*____
ME: JuanZ | TKSS,NYJC,NTU | First crY: 19th Nov 86' |
To B HeaLthY | My ParenTs wun Grow olD | NO MORE lies from anione animore | A DigitAL cam | PaSs emAge tEst | Do Well fOr ALl eXaMS | GeT a Gd joB in Future | LasTly,I Jus WisH to B haPPy ALwayZ^^ | I wish...........
