I am rather an egoistic and stubborn girl.... esp in thing i am passionate about.... like in performances.... in writing chinese essays..... i always got my own set of thinking and am v firm about it....... and gets v stubborn about it........................ teachers think its good in a way as it portray my own 'style' of writing or performing............... but its bad too.....because sometimes this stubborness gets overboard....i lost some valuables advices along the way...............
its hard to strike a balance.......firm and stubborn is jus a thin line difference.......i really need to learn........
It's because he is my dar........... i find it hard to swallow the fact when he doesnt recognized my ability.......... or point out my mistakes.................. I find it hard to accept the fact when he always got this superior attitude over me........n makes me feel like he kindda belittle me............. and because of my egoism n stubborness.....i tend to retaliate in an agressive manner..........and den feel regret because i didnt wanna anger him or makes him feel unhappy too......
i am proud to have a dar who done well academically and is a well liked leader......but at the same time....i feel demoralised n inferior esp dar points out my mistakes n criticise on it.......till i get sad n feel regret why i gave him a chance to criticise or mock at me again~!
Told him how i feel.....and i feel happy and regretted at the same time.....
i am happy that i could always tell him anything even if that thing portray a v immature or negative side of me....... ur partner should make u feel like u can be real infront of him.....and that is wat he makes me feel...... even if i try to hide....ultimately he be the one to see the real side of me.........
but i feel regretted........... because i dont know if he will see this ugly side of me.....and kindda affects his feelings for me....or how the r/s will end............. i am really scared.....and lost because i cant find a definite ans.... nothing is definite anw....
bt i must admit..... thou i sounds v defensive in the conversations....i do think upon how he says....n reflect on myself................ there r somethings which i feel i just say it out but it doesnt actually hold tt much to me........ but i do realise i should really learn to accept i am wrong........even on things i am passionate about.....even on things i am v zhi zhuo on.... i should learn to calm myself down n think thru' things b4 i gets stubborn n defend my way....i should not think tt i cant always let ppl feel superior over me........i guess i am jus being over cynical sometimes............ but sometimes dar's tone really make me feel demoralised................ i guess everythings take 2 hands to clap.......both have their faults.... but i feel i should penalise myself more n be more strict be myself....because i hope to be a better person.......
guess that is wat r/s should be about too~~ to learn from each other n make each other a better person........ i think he makes me a better person...... but i really doubt if i make him a better person too.................................. i hope i did............. i m still not confident...... i am sorry dar........for my tone and attitude....... but believe me i do make a pt to sit down n reflect on wat u say even if i sounds v defensive everytime............ its jus my egoistic n cynical nature tt makes me attack once i got attacked............. but i am glad i do ponder stuffs over after all my impulsive acts................... i do know i still need to improve.....to really try to calm myself down n think before i act...................i need time for it............ just give me a gentle reminder ya....a gentle one will do..........
hope this conflicts doesnt make us fall apart..........but understand each other true self better........ i am glad u shared ur views patiently to me......n i see the sensitive sides of u........ i hope this incident doesnt make u love me less............
i really really love ya dar....................................... i really do care about wat u say..........and what you think.........becuz i really really do care about u...................................
it rained at 1:32 AM
Me*____
ME: JuanZ | TKSS,NYJC,NTU | First crY: 19th Nov 86' |
To B HeaLthY | My ParenTs wun Grow olD | NO MORE lies from anione animore | A DigitAL cam | PaSs emAge tEst | Do Well fOr ALl eXaMS | GeT a Gd joB in Future | LasTly,I Jus WisH to B haPPy ALwayZ^^ | I wish...........
